THE 40 DAY FAST
Day 1 January 1, 2009
I’m not sure what I was expecting, but the day seemed uneventful, although there was an air of His presence. I’m thinking that this 40 days is going to be a journey from understanding Jesus as my Saviour to getting a fuller grasp of what it means for Him to be my Lord. Not only for me to “know it” but for Him to “be it” my Lord. What a journey this will be!
Day 2 January 2, 2009
Something struck me that I knew but never felt such a deep impact. He has given me gifts, great gifts: empathy, knowledge, wisdom, spiritual vision to name a few. But these are not my gifts, they are His gifts. He has graciously allowed and entrusted them to me for His use. I want to always be reverent of them.
Day 3 January 3, 2009
I didn’t feel well today. Had a total lack of energy. I laid on the sofa 3 -4 hours in silence by myself. I was able to get my mind emptied of that hustle, bustle, busy activity that seems to always fill it. God knew what it would take, getting me slowed down, to get my mind ready.
Day 4 January 4, 2009
It has gotten into my soul that the only answer for this world is Christ as Lord and Savior. After all, isn’t “heaven” what we all want? In heaven, no one is hurting others, stealing, lying, or killing. There are only the fruits of the Spirit and love. So if everyone would give their lives over to the Lord, this world would change totally and be more like heaven.
Day 5 January 5, 2009
I’m beginning to be aware of Christ dwelling in me, willfully allowing His love, grace, and mercy to work through me, because I yet lack it. I am still prideful. Compliments about my Daily Grace give me a sense of pride and self satisfaction. When I know full well it cannot happen and did not happen for any other reason than He wants to reach others. He chose me to use as a vessel to deliver His messages. I must decrease and He must increase in my life.
Day 6 January 6, 2009
I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit more strongly than I have in a long time. I was given the opportunity to tell several people today to take their eyes off their situations and just praise and worship the Lord. I realize that although I still fail and falter, He is very near, He picks me up and we walk on.
Day 7 January 7, 2009
It’s a bit odd, but I notice and am acutely aware of places all around me where God has not been allowed. Part of this awareness is discerning those who truly have the Lord in their hearts and those who don’t. It’s a troubling thing. I see just how dark and lost this world really is. I have to use what light I have to overcome the darkness around me. Lord, help me to have more light and the boldness to let it shine.
Day 8 January 8, 2009
The Lord is everywhere. I can see that He has worked and performed miracles in the lives of others, many who do not give the glory to God. I am aware that every beat of my heart is because of the grace of God and it is a miracle in itself. I feel an urgency to know Him, a building of spiritual energy that has a place to manifest, but I must wait until the time He releases it. This anticipation carries with it a sense of excitement and a sense of great reverence for His work.
Day 9 January 9, 2009
I can see the orchestration of the Lord starting in my young years. He has had His hand on my life through it all. He has brought me to this place called “now” so I wait, with open heart and anticipation for His guidance and direction. Lord, don’t let me miss it or distort it! Only by Your Grace.
Day 10 January 10, 2009
The presence of His Spirit is so strong. I’m seeing and knowing and understanding. I am simultaneously overjoyed that He honors me with His presence, but deeply humbled and tremble at what He is revealing. I have had a growing knowledge that I will be speaking the Grace Bible Church in Chester Illinois. I will take the message the Lord give me to a “sleeping church.” When it wakes up, God will work a mighty work in that area. As an aside, it has been 40 years since I’ve seen or talked to Ronnie Coleman, pastor of that church. Is this my burning bush?
Day 11 January 11, 2009
At church this morning, worship was more real than it has been to me for a long time. I was aware of the greatness of God and then not even aware of myself at all, except to wipe the tears from my eyes. I noticed I was more social and approached more people to speak to them. The Lord is preparing His last day people to finish the work He has to do. I am convinced I am a part of that army that goes out to difficult places bringing in others. I feel inadequate, sometimes even too busy or lazy to do that work. But the Lord is changing me, preparing me, and leading me to get me ready. Why me? He knows. He will provide all I need. He will go before me. I must seek Him and Him only.
Day 12 January 12, 2009
A very good day. The peace that comes from being obedient to the Lord is indescribable. I’m feeling the stains on my heart and my Christian walk fade as I approach the light of His glory. It doesn’t matter anymore who would oppose that obedience. The Lord sent blessing to me. Ed called me. He has a new laptop computer. I now have his email and those of all his kids except Sue. By His faithfulness I am connected to my family of origin. Lord, please help me to be wheat, not chaff, a sheep, not a goat. Clean on the inside to radiate out, that others will be drawn to You and glorify You.
Day 13 January 13, 2009
I’m seeing miracles and the hand of God everywhere. There is so much to do and so little time. I’m aware of getting the logs out of my own eyes before I can even suggest another has a splinter in his. I desire to know God, His heart, His very being. I am being prepared to fight against and prevail over the darkness of these last days.
Day 14 January 14, 2009
This was a most ordinary day. Several situations occurred where I had to practice things that have been shown to me. I was a little wobbly like when I first tried riding a bike, but I, by His grace, was able to keep from falling. It helped me see that I really want to obey the Lord and be like Him.
Day 15 January 15, 2009
The Lord works all things out. There is no need to be fretful or stressed. Sounds easy. But the Lord is showing me little by little He is changing my heart, my mind, my attitudes, and my behaviors. Thank you, Lord, how I need you!
Day 16 January 16, 2009
It was a strange day. Many distractions and interferences both of external and internal origin. I was able to spend a few moments worshipping the Lord, but had trouble focusing. This has made me understand how the enemy unrelentingly tries to throw a kink and ultimately destroy this free flow between my Lord and me. It is also a day of opening of my eyes as to how much sin, my own sin, has separated us from Him. I can’t fathom what that original bliss in the garden was like, but I know we all spend every moment to recover it. Many times, most times, and for some, all times, we seek it in the wrong places. It cannot be found in this earthly realm or without the grace and mercy of God.
Day 17 January 17, 2009
There’s no way I can wrap my finite brain around the mercy, grace, and long suffering of God. He strives with me, with mankind, in all our selfishness, our following after our own wants. He does so to fulfill His plan and purpose. I am becoming aware of just how far I have wandered away from him. Lord, I want to look at You and You only. Obey You and You only. Help me to not be deceived by the enemy. Help my husband, my sons and their wives, my step-children and their families, my friends, my co-workers, and yes, Lord, even my enemies for they are your sheep too. As it reads in the book “they just don’t know it yet.” Bring that awareness to them, if not by me, by whatever you have decided.
Day 18 January 18, 2009
Such beautiful worship at our church service this morning. So much more aware of the awesomeness and greatness of God. He provided rest for me on His day, long rest. He knows what I need. Along with awareness of Him, I am also aware of the darkness and misery of this world. To gain spiritual awareness, I realize it includes both. I bask in His glory and I stand at the edge of the darkness and misery waiting on Him to move.
Day 19 January 19, 2009
What an honor and privilege it is to be given light from Your Word, understanding, truth. But, O Lord, how difficult to apply it. I can identify with Paul! I don’t do the things I should and I do the things I shouldn’t. I can’t live the victorious life without total dependence on you. Love my enemies. Give. Forgive. Repay evil with good. This is hard. No, I am hard. You are softening me so You can mold me to look more like You. Thank you Lord, for Your infinite mercy and grace!
Day 20 January 20, 2009
It was a pretty typical day. It seemed I had more patients today that were excited about the Lord and I was able to share and sense the presence of God throughout the day. I had several worries that I had to keep giving over to the Lord. I took them back several times but I began to have a peace that He would work all things out.
Day 21 January 21, 2009
The fast is ½ over. I am stronger spiritually, emotionally, and mentally than when I began. I know this as I sense such a peace and at the same time a boldness to witness and resist attacks on my walk with Him. I do not really miss the emails/computer that much. I look forward to Bible study, preparation for my Daily Grace and reading to my husband. We seem to have gotten closer and rekindled an intimacy that few married couples ever know. God is so good. His mercy endures forever.
Day 22 January 22, 2009
It’s no longer that big a surprise to me that the Lord answers prayer and orchestrates things to accomplish His will, setting things right. It’s not always pleasant, and some are left with a bitter after taste. But it is because they are not spiritually aware of His moving. When I seek Him, and obey His leading, some are going to dislike it, and will move away from me. This is God’s way of removing from my life those who hinder, distract, or try to stop my walk with Him.
Day 23 January 23, 2009
The Lord keeps impressing and drawing me to spend more time in prayer and worship. Tonight, I sat, my husband next to me, candles burning, lights low, listening to worship music. What peace! The cares of this world vanish and the Presence of God fills the house and my heart. What an honor! And I imagine the Lord saying, “Bobbi, see why I keep urging you to do this?” His mercy endures forever!
Day 24 January 24, 2009
The peace of God is resting on me. Things that used to bring unrest, anxiety, and worry seem to bypass me and go directly to the Father who has all things in control. Will I ever experience worry and anxiousness again? Of course I will. I’m human. But it won’t be for long. He is teaching me to “let go.” Even my patience is increasing. Thank you, Jesus, for interceding for me about this. You know exactly what I need, and when you have me in that place that I am willing to receive it.
Day 25 January 25, 2009
Even though this was the Lord’s Day, it seemed to be uneventful as far as spiritual insight and growth. I am aware that the Lord is working in me even when I am not conscious of it. I do have consciousness of a greater spiritual strength, a kind of resolve to not succumb to things I did before. But I’ve learned the hard way not to get comfortable there, because that is a place from which I can easily fall.
Day 26 January 26, 2009
The Lord is drawing anxiety and fear out and away from me. “Fear not” seems so do-able to me now. Take things as they come, whatever they may be. Roll with the punches, go with the flow. There is nothing to fear, because the Lord is with me, He is in control, and He will take me through. Even if it kills me, I still have the victory because, no matter what, I will be with Him forever. He promised, and He does not rescind His promise. Glory to His name!
Day 27 January 27, 2009
The weather was bad today, I didn’t have to go to work until 1:00 p.m. I wanted time to be alone with the Lord. My husband got an unexpected call from his attorney to come pick up his medical records as soon as possible. He waited a ½ hour or so, then gathered up the dog and left to drive across town to get his records. After he left, I had everything turned off and I crouched down between my chair and ottoman, face to the floor. I prayed and focused on God, His greatness, my total uncleanness before Him, and sought Him. At first I found myself making an effort to sense His presence, listening, watching, feeling, almost like I was trying to manufacture some kind of sensation to know He was there. When I realized I was doing this, I stopped. I felt “prompted” to just wait on Him without any particular expectations. I usually cry and shed tears when I am in earnest prayer, but I did not have any sense of wanting or needing to cry. I had been wondering what the Lord wanted me to do for the Daily Grace topics when I got through with the Sermon on the Mount. During the 20 minutes of waiting on the Lord, I heard the still small voice say “go to the parables.” I knew that was direction from the Lord. There were no lightning bolts, manifestations, or shaking ground. Only the sweet peace and contentment of being with Him and knowing He is leading me.
Day 28 January 28, 2009
Didn’t go into work at all today. Weather too bad. I spent 6 – 8 hours studying about fasting in secret. Most of the commentaries defined fasting as related to abstaining from food at some degree. I began to wonder if the Lord would accept my fast of giving up my laptop except for Bible study and doing the Daily Grace. The Lord has given me witness in my heart that He is accepting my fast because my hunger for Him is real and I am so aware of the changes He is working in my life through this time. It’s not what we deny ourselves that makes the fast acceptable, it is the state and intent of our heart toward Him.
Day 29 January 29, 2009
Stronger, yes, I am spiritually stronger, in boldness, assertiveness, and certainty about Him and His Word. He honored me by allowing me the opportunity to present the Lord to a middle aged man who came over a period of time, but today confessed that he has reached a level of internal growth and insight but something was missing and felt stuck like he had to find this missing piece before he could go on. I knew before he finished talking what, I mean, Who he was needing. And I shared about the Lord with Him. He was open and left thanking me for sharing this with him. I continue to see God everywhere and at the same time I see the world’s need for Him and the world’s complacency toward Him. I grieve at the sad state of this world.
Day 30 January 30, 2009
A quiet, uneventful day. I found it difficult to study the commentaries for the tomorrow’s Daily Grace. I had never encountered that problem before. As I consciously persisted, I asked the Lord what the problem was. He gently reprimanded me for taking more of the credit for the Daily Grace than I should. He is the one who leads me and gives me the words to write. He is the one who leads me to just the right picture to go with it. I can no longer look at a finished Daily Grace and say “Wow, Bobbi. That was pretty good.” I will gladly and with humble heart say, “Thank you Lord. And may Your anointing and grace flow through to all who receive, that their hunger for You will increase, and Your Word will accomplish the purpose for which it was sent.”
Day 31 January 31, 2009
I’m finding that I have need of more patience with those I feel are not moving along spiritually as I think they should. Then I look at myself and think how I could be so much farther along than I am! Who am I to say or think anything about another’s spiritual walk. I need to keep watch over my own so I don’t slip and fall. I am not responsible for the spiritual growth in others, only for planting the seeds. It is God who gives the increase. I believe the Lord has cleared my eyes enough to see the fence. I’m on His side of the fence, by His grace and mercy. There is a heavy burden for those on the other side, but even a more frustrating concern for the many I see on the fence. It makes me acutely aware that I have to live a holy life so as not to cause any of them to fall to the other side, but to gladly come to this side. Lord, I need you! I can’t do it without you!
Day 32 February 1, 2009
The Lord has impressed on my heart to be at peace with all men, everyone! It’s easy to be at peace with the peaceable and kind people. What the challenge is has to do with being at peace with those who are desperately grasping for peace and for some reason fail to reach in the right place. The Lord is teaching me that I am not responsible for the choices they make, but my responsibility is to remind them of the choices they have. The rest I must put in His hands. It just came to me that these things the Lord is dealing with me concern getting rid of my own anxieties and stress. He will continue until I am anxiety free because He is faithful! Be glorified Lord! You are the only One worthy of praise and honor and glory!
Day 33 February 2, 2009
Mondays are always a short evening. I look forward so much to sitting down with my husband and reading a chapter from a book we’re reading. We’re in the 8th book now, The God Catchers by Tommy Tenney. While they don’t replace the Word of God, they are based on the Word and inspire and challenge us to go farther in seeking the Lord. My husband tells me I am farther along than he is, but I’ve seen such growth in him. The Lord is doing a work in both of us. Praise His name!
Day 34 February 3, 2009
I had gotten an email from my brother saying he had been inspired by the days Daily Grace and our phone conversation last Friday. I emailed and shared some things that may have made him pull back a bit. I haven’t heard from him. It’s all in the Lord’s hands and I know the Lord is working in his life. I’ve added several new people to Daily Grace. I pray the Lord will anoint me to develop them and use them to allow the Holy Spirit to work in the lives of all those who receive it. To God be all the glory!
Day 35 February 4, 2009
I was able to spend a half hour this evening just waiting on the Lord and sitting in His presence. I am carrying a burden for several people who are struggling. I pray for them and put them in God’s hands. The Lord is restoring my peace and my joy. I thought I had lost it. I know the answer to finding it is to seek Him. That’s what I will continue to do after this fast. Continue to seek Him. It’s the only thing worth spending time and energy on. Praise His holy name!
Day 36 February 5, 2009
It’s the peace, the peace of God that I notice more and more each day. It’s not only peace of mind from worry and fretting over things. It is peace of heart, peace of soul, body, and spirit. I don’t get ruffled by the snags and upsets of life. The Bible tells me that where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is peace. I know His Spirit dwells with me because I have this peace. I am confident that the Lord is in control of all things. There is no need to worry or fear anything this life sends my way. It’s that “blessed assurance.” Thank you, Lord, for your awesome abiding peace.
Day 37 February 6, 2009
Sometimes the Lord softens His already “still small voice” and the sense of His presence and I begin to wonder why. I know He is letting me truly walk by faith and apply the many wonderful truths He has revealed to me over the last 5 weeks. I know He is still a breath away and that He is working. I have felt for quite some that God is on the verge of something very significant and I am going to be a part of it. I want be prepared, equipped, obedient. It is critical that I stay in communion with Him, especially through worship, praise, and prayer. Lord, please don’t let me miss out on this wonderful plan of yours through my own laziness or complacency. I need the fire of your Holy Spirit and hunger for you.
Day 38 February 7, 2009
More and more the Lord is showing me that I must rely totally on Him and keep on the cloak of humility. I would love to say that I am a humble person, but the Lord shows me places of pride lurking and leaking in me. For me it is a conscience effort to keep things secret, like I still need the praise of others. With the Lord’s help, I will do away with this ugly stain on my walk with Him. It is a weed growing amongst the flowers on my path. Lord, help me and have mercy on me.
Day 39 February 8, 2009
My thoughts seem to keep returning to the reality that this fast is quickly coming to an end. I can’t really do reviewing the past justice because the Lord has done awesome work in my life. I am not the same person I was on the first of January. But, I can’t help but feel a sense of letting the Lord down that I did not seek Him as diligently as I could have. Especially in prayer and waiting in His presence. He is so gracious and merciful. I am made aware that praying and waiting in His presence is not confined to the time limits of this fast. For me, this fast will be over in a technical sense, but it will continue, because He has given me the desire to keep seeking Him, studying His word, listening to His promptings, and walking in the light He gives me. All praise, honor, and glory belong to Him!
Day 40 February 9, 2009
40 days! I really didn’t want it to be over. It was a holy, peaceful time that seemed to fly by in such a hurry. But, oh, how the Lord blessed and let me draw nearer. I am so much more conscious of the Spiritual realm and even more so my fallen state before the Almighty God. It has finally begun to soak in that I cannot conjure up the presence of God nor do anything to move Him except to present myself to Him just as I am and humbly ask for His mercy and grace. I’m praying I will always be aware of where I am in His eyes and remember to have on that cloak of humility. Yes the 40 days are finished but I will never be the same. Yes the Lord has blessed and honored this time but He has allowed me closer fellowship to Him. The 40 days are past, but the Lord and I are just getting started. Amen and Amen.
--Bobbi J. Craigmyle
© February 2009
Springfield, MO
Martha Owano Clayton
