This is sharing how our God honors and works through a seeking heart that is humbled and hungry for Him. You see, that is part of what I need from writing this down. I need to get my cloak of humility back on the way it should be and to get so hungry for God that my life changes in the way it needs to do. Only the Lord can do that for me. I have to obey, but he leads. My prayer and purpose here is that something the Lord imparts to me through this might touch the heart of someone else and spark a fire.
If you care to follow along with me in this not quite a New Year's resolution, that is wonderful. This is more of a new start with a new year kind of thing. It's not a resolution, it's a lifestyle change. Feel free to comment. If not, I pray that the Lord will fill your hearts with the fire to seek Him above all else.
First of all, here are some things I believe the Lord has shown me as I prepared for this 2015 lifestyle change. I am typing it here as it came out of my heart and onto paper with pen.
To walk through this life only taking steps where my finite mind safely leads me, is to live a life of control by the world of circumstances around me. I am allowing myself to be carried along by this vast ocean of a world cursed and out of control. In the middle of this, I am asking God to bless my choices, fix my disappointments and unexpected trials. What I am seeking to change is my source of control from my own idea of what I should do, to walking one foot in front of the other trusting the Lord to lead me through all of the unpredictable ups and downs of this life. He is in control of all this cursed world that surrounds me and covers my path. In letting Him be in control, I will step forward in places that will cut away parts of that veil that cover my spiritual eyes. I will recognize His power within me to gladly follow and experience the good and the bad. He knows where my feet need to step. I am content and praising Him for every blessing regardless of how deep the water is. After all, He is in control of my life, not the ups and downs of this world, not the feeble attempts of my own design. This can only lead to a joy that cannot be stopped.
In seeking to be a spiritual leader, I have somewhere along the line lost sight of the fact that my faith is just as faulty as anyone else's. I pray with all this "perceived" faith to move mountains for Him, while in reality I am afraid to even go near or look at the mountain. The Lord has never told me to sit in my comfortable pew and pray orders to Him to move these mountains for me. He has told me in His Word that if I have even a tiny bit of faith, I can tell a mountain to move and it will move. (Matthew 17:20) I don't think I've moved many mountains, so how do I use the faith I've been given to do this kind of thing? He might want me to climb up a mountain and move it with a teaspoon. Abraham climbed a mountain. God never failed him. Peter took his eyes off Jesus walking on the water, and he fell into the waves. My faith will be strengthened by keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus Christ, not looking at how high the mountain is or deep the water is. He will get me there. I just need to learn and enjoy the journey.
Well, all that is very noble and deeply spiritual and it requires a lot of commitment and perseverance. I'm not so sure that's meant for me, after all, I am an elderly woman, (I have a business to run, I have small children, I have poor health, I am just to be a watcher at the gate, I'm just not qualified to deal with that sort of thing.) What a blatant lie from Satan himself!
What has happened to me? Those rough unlearned fishermen were faced with the worst demons from hell, the impossible of situations. After Jesus went back to heaven and sent the Holy Spirit, these men did not cower back and say, "Well, someone more qualified, or has more time, or whatever, needs to take care of this!" NO! The gates of hell could not stop these men and woman. They no longer said, "Lord this situation is really bad and we can't seem to take care of it." They did what Jesus told them to do to have this kind of spiritual ability. He said, "Fast and pray."