Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Dear Dr. Bobbi,

I recently read an article in the Healthy Living Magazine that gave some tips on how to rid your life of stress. One of the tips was to keep yourself surrounded by positive people and to take charge by staying away from negative people. The article went on to say that negative people affect us whether we realize it or not. I have a problem. I live with a negative person. Avoiding, staying away from this person is not exactly possible. I find myself in the line of fire by this negative person and it leaves me feeling pretty "beat up" and drained. Okay, I am married to this person so it isn't as easy as just moving to get away. I'm feeling a bit trapped here. Can you help me?
                                                                      -Stuck In Standfield

Dear Stuck;

That is a difficult situation, but not an impossible one. Here are a few suggestions that may help you decide what you need to do.

1.  Seek God by prayer and Bible reading. This will give you inner strength to cope and will allow the Lord to shield you from the darts of negativity. Your spouse has a real problem and it's not you. Although the anger is dumped on you, you don't have to accept it.

2.  When the negativity begins, don't get hooked into an argument. It goes nowhere and just escalates the anger. Walk away if possible. Say nothing, or speak kind words softly, such as "I can see this has bothered you a lot."

3.  Suggest to your spouse that (s)he get help for the negativity/anger. This one usually is rejected or provokes more anger so approach it with caution.

4. Give your spouse an ultimatum: Stop the negativity or we can't be together anymore. This is a drastic step and should only be used if there is danger of violence.

5. Leave. The one is to be used only if nothing else has worked and the negativity is destroying your health or has become violent.

God bless you as you prayerfully consider what God wants you to do.
                                                                 Regards, Dr. Bobbi

To the readers out there, is there any other advice you can give to "Stuck"? I'm sure it will be greatly appreciated.


Amrita said...

I am a caregiver to my aging Mom and her negavity drains and frustrates, I shall keep the points mentioned here to handle the stress.Thank you.

Do you have any help for care givers too.

Linda said...

Great post!! I agree negativity is very draining. Thank you for the advice.Thank you too for dropping by my blogs and your encouraging words.
Enjoy your day!

Brian Ray Todd said...

You've probably heard that we live in a "fallen" world, which means that this side of heaven is going to have some negitive people and circumstances. I do not think that surrounding yourself with positive people and weeding out the negitive works for me. First, who defines positive and negitive? In my case, I feel that God has placed many needy and negitive people into my life to minister to and who minister to me, as the Lord teaches me ... and that includes marriage. I had learned that trials (negitive times and people) were difficult to work with and through, but helped me to grow and mature as a Christian and child of God. I look for the upside of down, becasue it is there. Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things." Brian

Ginger~~Enchanting Cottage said...

Seeking the Lord together as a married couple and not alone would be great, if both spouses are willing. What great advise you gave.

Sandy said...

Such a neat blog and great post! Thank you for sharing your knowledge insights with us!

Unknown said...

Thanks for sharing this Spiritual Sunday, Dr. Bobbi! :)