I certainly would welcome a feeling of excitement that it's Sunday morning and I could anticipate worship and the Word with other believers at church as I get myself ready. But the excitement is not there and I'm not even getting ready because I am not going. It seems the last few times I've gone I just sit there sort of detached, just worshipping by myself. I encounter no connection with anyone. I avoid people and just duck out of the church with a few waves hello, a smile, and hi how are you.
Don't get me wrong. I have a very strong relationship with the Lord and I care for people. I commune with my Lord continually and I am deep into the study of His Word. I know it's my state of mind. I'm in a funk, a depression to call it what it is. There is a very heavy cloud of bitterness, rage, and anger in my home that has a negative effect on me. Mostly because I know it doesn't have to be that way. I don't understand hatred, bitterness, and hostility though I've lived around it for years. Very few people are aware of it, maybe the kids and one or two others. But for the most part, it's a "family secret."
My prayer now is to stand firm in the faith, with the full armor on so that this negativity doesn't invade me and to pray that this invasion will be overcome by the power and love of God. I trust the Lord to take care of it in His way and in His time. He will take care of me.