Wednesday, July 28, 2010

DEFENSES


Survival is the most basic instinct of all living things. Of course humans have some very sophisticated ways of ensuring their suvival. For the most part, when we think of survival, we think of self defense. When I think of self defense I think of some type of martial arts, weapons, and pepper spray.

But, there are many other types of self defense we as humans use to protect our fragile inner selves rather than our physical bodies. These defenses kick in gear when we feel threatened, wronged, put on the spot, angered, or emotionally challenged.

I am planning to go into a bit more depth about these different defenses beginning this weekend on my blog PSYCHOBABBLE, but right now I need to talk a bit about how I got into this state of fatigue that has about brought me to a virtual stand still.

First of all, as a Christian, my first line of defense is to hide in the shelter of the Most High, place my whole being in the Hands of the Lord, trust in the Lord with all my heart. It's pretty apparent I failed to do this as I should have and I feel somewhat hippocritical that I haven't practiced totally what I preach (I am not a preacher, that is a figure of speech).

I believe I relied and trusted in the Lord to a degree, but I have to confess I took the driver's seat enough of the time that I got myself in mental and physical trouble.

Rather than fully trusting in the Lord and being open to the leading of the Holy Spirit, and that includes the Lord speaking to me through precious friends, I used what we Psychologists call Rationalization and Humor to ignore what was happening to me and to be able to keep going down an unhealthy path.

Rationalizing: I found ways in my mind to feel confident and comfortable that what I was doing was God's will. I was writing two books which I feel would be very important help to struggling Christians. Wouldn't the Lord want this kind of writing out there to help His children? Didn't He give me the ability to write and communicate about Him? So not only did I write on the books, I did hours and hours of research on how to prepare and submit a manuscript for publication.

I collaborated with a dear friend in writing short  Christian children's stories that took time to edit and get correctly formatted.

I maintained 4 blogs, one of which I deleted, so I kept up with 3 blogs that included visiting my followers, followers of followers, and those who commented on my blogs.

I create and send out the daily devotional, Daily Grace, by email to several hundred people each day. It takes me hours to prepare these each week and I've done this for over 2 years now.

I am working on a 60 credit hour certification through the American Association of Christian Counselors to become a certified Professional Christian Counselor.

I have a full time career as a Clinical Psychologist. I work 4 days a week and about 11 hours each of those days.

Top all that with 10 grandchildren, going to the lake on weekends in the summer, having a disabled husband, and chronic neck pain.

I digress. All these things I have convinced myself by carefully directing my thoughts to the place where I believed the Lord was having me do all these things. In and of themselves they are all very noble and even Godly. But God doesn't pile so many things on a person and sit back to watch them collapse under the load. I failed to listen to the Lord about what I should be doing and took these things on out of my own desires and interests and in my own time. I do believe the Lord has given me these things to do, but I don't believe He meant for me to dive into all of them at once. I got ahead of Him.

After my mind and body went on strike several weeks ago and my doctor threatened to put me in the hospital if I didn't stop everything and rest, I was able to hear the Lord patiently and lovingly still speaking to me. Bobbi, you have been given these gifts to use for Me, in My way, in My time, not yours. Wait on Me, Trust Me, Stop making excuses that these things must be done now.

So I have confessed this to the Lord and I am resting, spending much time with the Lord and my family. I will wait for His direction. Right now, Daily Grace continues. I am going to the clinic working my regular hours. Everything else I do is with conscious awareness of God's leading and relying on the Holy Spirit as my first line of defense. I have traded rationalism for faith. A lesson I've taught for years, but had to "relearn" the hard way. God is faithful. He loves me so much that He takes the time to discipline and correct me. Thank you Lord.


11 comments:

Gregg said...

Glad you are resting both physcially and in Him. We do need to come apart from the daily grind now and then or we will come apart! Lord's blessings to you!

Saleslady371 said...

Wow, what a schedule. You are a mighty woman of God, Dr. Bobbi. I'm so glad for your lesson of rest and pacing to complete all these wonderful things you do. Bless you for all that you do for others.

Mevely317 said...

Whoa ... I get exhausted, trying to fathom your schedule! As Mary just commented, I'm heartened to hear you are heeding His advice and resting.
Holding your sweet soul in my prayers!

Myra

Chatty Crone said...

You have a huge schedule. It's amazing you have been able to carry it for so long. So please - do get some rest. God will always lead you the right way. sandie

Amrita said...

You 've had a very hectic life Bobbi and productive too.

Take good rest.

Grace and peace from India.

Lloyd said...

I'm praying for you...God's blessings. Lloyd

sarah said...

wow...ok...I'm exhausted reading your list. Glad you recognize your need to stop..and really be gentle with you....

Anonymous said...

Being enthusiastic on a budget of time takes it's toll...I am so sorry Bobbi I would bear your pain if I could....Lord knows how much you mean to me. I do hate that you have had all this "stuff" to deal with. But as you stated your not alone,, "HE" is there and "He" will not give you more then you can bear...be kind to yourself. Sounds like your heart is in the right place maybe just going about it in the wrong way. Thank goodness for a loving , forgiving, faithful all knowing God who gives to us all "HIS" love within friendships and family all which sets us apart from this undisciplined world.
There are prayers with your name on them... out there whispering within the stars,
May peace come to you soon

Lou said...

Bobbi-- this is something that happens to me so often. I refer to it as my Martha-ness and it's always getting me into trouble. I start piling on all this stuff to do to help others maintain or start a relationship with the Lord and then I fail to work on maintaining my own. Incredible, but it happens more often than I'd like to admit.

Bless you for posting this. Needed another reminder today!

Love, Lou

Merana Leigh said...

Ok, so you put your red cape away for awhile? Geez-louise, I'm worn out just reading this!

But I sure 'get' what you're saying about taking it ALL on & thinking that if it's in front of me, I gotta do something about it now...never realizing that maybe God just wants us to DO something about it in time, but there needs to be an 'observation'/learning period first. Can't tell you HOW many times I've heard in my spirit "Be still & know that I am God", to which I USED to reply, "yeah, yeah, yeah...I know you're God, but...(insert whatever it was I was dealing with)" to which I LITERALLY just envisioned this finger pointing & shaking at me (like no, no, no) saying "YOUR'E NOT BEING STILL!!!!" Ummm...ok, point taken!

Hugs ~ Merana

sandy said...

I just found your site here and this post. It reminded me of myself several years ago when I got sick and found it was all stress related. I had been working a ministry to juvenile offenders which I founded and directed. I'm now enjoying a more balanced life and finding JOY in it! Thanks for sharing your story! sandy